in desperate need of a "wake-up"

[SHELLEY]

i am a heroin addict
7 years now
if i get high and fall asleep
even only for a couple hours
i wake up sick as if i've been off the shit for 2 days
if i wait 10 or 15 minutes between waking up and shooting up
i'm in fucking tears because i'm so sick
puking in my trash can
sweat pouring down my face into my eyes so i can't see what the fuck i'm doing with my needle
this has only been happening for the past month or so
am i alone in this?
does anyone else suffer SEVERE withdrawals after "sleeping off" their last dose?
it's not the quality of the dope, because it's really good shit
(at least it usually is)
help me, please, fucking anybody!

[nick]

It sounds psychosomatic,but the mental part of addiction is the hardest part.

Might be worth seeing a doc to make sure that you have no other medical problems.

Much luck with it.

Oh and I'd alter my shot schedule to allow for this.

[Chipper]

Maybe it's time to consider something like methadone to stablize you. I don't understand how you could be going into w/d's so quickly unless you are on very, very high dose of smack with a corresponsing tolerance.
.
Maybe getting some methadone and observing how well it holds you, would shed some light on this matter.

[CIIORNOTHING]

Something dont seem right. The half life is longer than that. You shouldnt be clearing that quick. Im not doubting you, dont think that. It just sounds really messed up and I dont get it.

I agree that maybe some done or some other way to get your tolerance back to a more workable level would be a good idea. Thats no way to live....

[Somanax]

Shelley,

Consider the stress.

I think that ,is the

only way you can

be so sick so quick.

When you live fast

you are stemfasting

and banging dope.

The up's an downs

are a rollercoaster

in and of itself

don't get me wrong

been there, existence

is stressfull take care

[OxyContinuously]

SHELLEY

I feel for you, and withdrawal plain out sucks, this we all know...Hmmm, what i could suggest is that if you haven't sought help from a doc (I don't mean a shrink, nah, I mean a methadone clinic doctor or a Sub doctor) you should go as soon as possible and explain what's goin' on...Shit, that's no way to live, and you shouldn't have to put up with that.

SOmeone suggested stabilizing with methadone, and i don't think that's a bad idea. Try it, this way at least you would cut out the bull everyday of being and feeling so sick, you know what imean? Methadone could be a great option for you, or i know people who literally got their lives back with Suboxone...worth a try, right?

Try not to worry too much and know that you're in our thoughts, cuz every single last one of us, me included, has been where you are (now granted I don't inject stuff, and i haven't been quite as sick as you are describing, but these things are relative; i can definitely sympathize with you on how u feel) but know that it does get better, and i'm sure that sounds like a cheap cliche, and i supposed the words have been used ad nauseam however it's true---> there's help out there; we just need to know how and where to seek it.

feel better SHELLEY

later

Oxy

[tonyk]

Man, Shelley, I don't have any better advise than what's been given to you and it sounds like a plan. I feel for you and am really sorry for your misery. Hope things get better, I'll be thinkin' 'bout you! TK

[Woowoo]

I got the same problem you have going, except the part that confuses me is when you say "even only for a couple of hours". A couple of hours is all it takes to make me start to crave again, but real WDs don't happen for a long long time.

When I just take a nap I am usually OK when I wake up. I want a hit, sure, but I'm not puking.

What kills me is when I sleep in really late... those last few hours of sleep that I used to enjoy so much, now they tear me apart. I wake up in a pool of sweat, and I awake so hungry for opiates and I run to my stash, it's as if there is no oxygen in the house and I need it to be able to breathe.

Needless to say I don't have an answer. My solution is to keep on fixing, because nothing else satisfies. Sleep, fix, ahhhhh.... sleep, fix, ahhhhh...... is there no end to this cycle? I guess not. So fix fix fix ahhhhhhhh....

Woo

P.S. I love my woman to death, but lemme tell ya -- if I wasn't involved, I'd be lookin' you up, sweetie ;-)

[Black_Pony]

H is a long enough acting fix that you shouldn't be that bad in 2 hours, I'm sorry, it just SHOULDN'T happen.

Am I wrong but haven't I read some of your posts talking about being a regular crack user (among other things)?

I feel BAD for anyone with W/D's (from any drug) and I don't look down on ANYONE for taking ANY drug. Shit, Barry Bonds just broke the world career home run record and I could give a shit if he 'cheated.' I'm a junkie and have no right to make moral judgments on anyone but myself.

I just think maybe its other drugs in your system causing you the grief and the H is masking the symptoms for you. In that case, keep a rig-full ready in case you nod off and need to fix, stat!

Hope you stay well!

-BP

[sidman]

I used to wake up sick all the time. I would be gagging/puking almost as soon as I opened my eyes'.
I shot dope for a long time and as I went on the hunt to find the "Best" Dope I could get my hands on,
I became sicker and sicker.
I dont call Strong Heroin "Good Shit" anymore,because after kicking that Demonic Monkey off of my back, and the Sheer Torture of it all, I now feel that ALL Heroin is GARBAGE !!
Sure, its fun at the beginning...I actually had alot of Memorable times on it,but the end was Hell.
Hell,Hell,Hell!!
So now I don't use Heroin anymore,but I do occasionally use Other Opiates,because plain and simple,I'm an addict.Period.
But I can honestly say almost all of my "Aquaintances'" who continued to shoot Dope are now Dead.
So Shelley.....The hard fact of life is that if you do not get help soon, Heroin will probably Kill you too,someday.
I don't want THAT to happen.
Get off the computer, and go get real HELP!
GO! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Then when you feel better, you can come back and tell us How you did it.
You will be a great Help and Inspiration to others. You HAVE to BELIEVE it though.......BELIEVE!
If I could stop Heroin so could you ( And let me tell you that I was one of the Worst Cases out there!
I've done things for Heroin which I will never tell a soul about.)
Another Thing Shelley, Suboxone is working Miracles for People and giving them Their Lives back.
Maybe it would be good for you too.
Now Go find some help! Don't put it off any longer...... GO!
BYE!! SEE YA LATER!!! GOOD LUCK!! YOU CAN DO IT!!
BYE!!

[SHELLEY]

yeah i'm up to about 4 grams a day
and i'm so goddamn tired of playing catch-up
i was in the methadone program at one point
before i knew it they had me at 190mg
i couldn't do anything
at least with the heroin i could get out of bed
and go to work
suboxone/buprinex (sp?) just plain doesn't do anything
it doesn't even curb the w/d slightly
it confuses doctors, i'm one of the few who it just doesn't work on
i feel like i'm running out of options
and i'm scared

ps- no crack or iv coke for 2 weeks now

[CIIORNOTHING]

Well its clearly not fun for you anymore, and it sounds kind of like your life is at risk. Id say go inpatient somehow some way. Trust me, as addicts we all want to think that we are somehow different. More tolerant, more dependent, wired different, more this or that, but we really arent. We are mostly the same. Just addicts who need to stop or slow down and cant by ourselves.

I wish you the best sweet girl. Consider an inpatient program huh?

[Duckfeet]

I don't know. I was pretty desperate this year...had gotten all strungout on this stupid tar down here, a couple g's a day at 60 bucks a g...went thru a lot of money, ruined what was left of my veins...so even tho I've always felt same way u did about methadone, I started looking at it again. I tried the quick detox twice, no luck...tried subs twice, went back out both times. Tried to go up to Canada, see if I could enroll in the NAOMI heroin maintenance program, but they checked some database in Vancouver, and turned me away...

So again, I read all the stuff the have out on endorphins and methadone, and I went to a website where people were more supportive of methadone, and decided to give it a good try, and to see if it helped with the anti-depression stuff, that people with endorphin deficiency supposedly have..

And it seems to be working. I'm as surprised as anybody, but last couple-three months I"ve been at 100mg and I"m better off for it. I have a different attitude than I used to... I'm just so sick of this poor excuse for heroin they got down here, and nothing else worked and I was desperate, so if it's as bad as u say, u may want to look at it again...I'm glad I did.

Feel free to PM if u want info on other website, where there is a lot more info on EDS, and how maybe methadone fixes our endorphin deprived heads...

Best wishes, whatever u do...

--duckfeet


yeah i'm up to about 4 grams a day
and i'm so goddamn tired of playing catch-up
i was in the methadone program at one point
before i knew it they had me at 190mg
i couldn't do anything
at least with the heroin i could get out of bed
and go to work
suboxone/buprinex (sp?) just plain doesn't do anything
it doesn't even curb the w/d slightly
it confuses doctors, i'm one of the few who it just doesn't work on
i feel like i'm running out of options
and i'm scared

ps- no crack or iv coke for 2 weeks now

[poppy]

Nothing new to add here but I would definitely give methadone a shot (no pun intended). It definitely works for me although I do have the odd relapse and have a hit of heroin every now and then (my boyfriend's a full on heroin addict so the temptations never far away). That being said I always regret it next day and it NEVER lives up to my psychological expectations. What Duckfeet says is particularly interesting.
Also you say
i couldn't do anything
at least with the heroin i could get out of bed
and go to work
but surely you can't work if you are puking and fixing every two hours anyway. It can't be much fun what you're going through so I hope you get it sorted.

[flipside]

Shelly you got some great advice here. The one thing I would add is don't let them put you on 190mgs of done. Stay at a lower dose. You certainly are not functioning on the H anymore. Please get in touch with me..or Duck, Poppy anyone else whose been where you are sweeie..let us help..that's why you posted right? We do care..A LOT!

[Duckfeet]

Yeah, I was really strungout, 2 grams a day of tar, and I hate the shit, since it doesn't give me the same good happy rush that NE powder does, but it's still addictive as all hell..but still, 40-60mg of methadone was plenty. I just upped because after first few weeks it is harder to raise, and I always want the blocking effect, even if its just psychological, or 80-100mg, so I don't need more than that....but I think, because of pain issues, and money, to be honest, I'll switch to other clinic, where V.A. pays for it, and also get split doses, eventually anyway...300 bucks a month out of pocket is a lot...but I think it really helped to face facts and to look at methadone again...I know all the shit that's wrong with it, I can lip-sinch bitching about methadone, but still, it's what's around,

[tptptp]

I have a very high metablosim and it seems that if I fall asleep drugs run their course faster in my body, pot or opiates./ I usually feel somewhat crappy in the morning even if i dose a long acting near bed time, sleep just clears stuff out it seems. I wouldn't say 10-15 minutes for severe WD though.

I've never had an H addiction but I know it progresses to needing at least like 4 shots a day and some people do 6 give or take. Using H you dont get much time before WD once you're in deep. If you're sleeping for any amount of time, the it defintiely makes sense.

[SHELLEY]

I've never had an H addiction but I know it progresses to needing at least like 4 shots a day and some people do 6 give or take. Using H you dont get much time before WD once you're in deep. If you're sleeping for any amount of time, the it defintiely makes sense.

6 shots a day doesn't sound that bad
i was doing at least 15 shots a day
now my tolerance is kinda down
(as a result of 4 full days with nothing
not even a fucking tylenol)
i'm doing about 4-5 shots a day
1 or 2 d-bags apiece
that's not so bad
...is it?

nah, i know it ain't

[sodamnstrong]

Damn, Shelley. Living up here in NY I see a lot of differnt sides of addiction. Did they put you on 190 of "Done" really quickly? For me it depends on how fast ypou go up. If you could not do anything on 190, would you be better at say 100? It all becomes the same after a while. I know of, well, a lot of people up here who are on 500, 600, 700 mgs a day, but they have been on it for about thirty years and act like anyone else on a lower dose. No matter what, doing "done" is better than using that much H. Just give it time to work the right way.


yeah i'm up to about 4 grams a day
and i'm so goddamn tired of playing catch-up
i was in the methadone program at one point
before i knew it they had me at 190mg
i couldn't do anything
at least with the heroin i could get out of bed
and go to work
suboxone/buprinex (sp?) just plain doesn't do anything
it doesn't even curb the w/d slightly
it confuses doctors, i'm one of the few who it just doesn't work on
i feel like i'm running out of options
and i'm scared

ps- no crack or iv coke for 2 weeks now

[tptptp]

OK, I mean strong shots then. # of shots means nothing without dosage. No one is getting wasted each shot and doing 15 a day.

Where the hell were you buiyng the stuff?


6 shots a day doesn't sound that bad
i was doing at least 15 shots a day
now my tolerance is kinda down
(as a result of 4 full days with nothing
not even a fucking tylenol)
i'm doing about 4-5 shots a day
1 or 2 d-bags apiece
that's not so bad
...is it?

nah, i know it ain't

[OxyContinuously]

Damn, Shelley. Living up here in NY I see a lot of differnt sides of addiction. Did they put you on 190 of "Done" really quickly? For me it depends on how fast ypou go up. If you could not do anything on 190, would you be better at say 100? It all becomes the same after a while. I know of, well, a lot of people up here who are on 500, 600, 700 mgs a day, but they have been on it for about thirty years and act like anyone else on a lower dose. No matter what, doing "done" is better than using that much H. Just give it time to work the right way.


Wow, 500+ milligrams of methadone is a shit-load...needless to say I would be dead and buried about 20 times if I *ever* took that amount.

I get what ur sayin though: it's all relative to the amount of H or whatever else the person was using, and what dose of 'done is right for them...and u also bring up a good point that done is better than a comparable dose of H as far as legality, and the desperation of copping and all that...good point